Monster Jam 2013

I have never been to Monster Jam but this year I got tickets. J has always talked about how much he loved going to Monster Jam years ago with him mom. His dad passed away when he was 11 and his mom took him the year after because they originally planned to go together, but were unable to. The huge trucks, stadium atmosphere, and TONS of people it all seemed to be overwhelming to me. I do not do crowded places well.

But to see his face light up when we got there and especially when the trucks started to go, it made me realize just how much this event meant to him. Not only is he big into engines and loved looking at the different trucks, but it made him remember the time he went with his mom and different memories that he feels he is starting to lose. It was exciting to see and hear the trucks racing and flipping over.

We had an amazing time there and it made us realize that by doing something over that you have done before with a loved one that you have lost, it does help to bring back the memories and can make that time more memorable and fresh in your mind again. Sometimes it can be painful to remember, but it can help to make the good memories more vivid in your mind.

B12 is Vitamin Crack

I have been feeling rundown and tired for months now. I get home make dinner and pretty much go right to bed after work. I was turning in all my school assignments late and my grades were suffering. Not to mention that on the weekends I would be able to do a few things and then sleep the rest of the hours and drag all throughout the week. My doctor tested my thyroid and iron and all is good. I started to take B12 vitamins  but they would help for almost 2 hours and then I would drag again.

B12 shot is amazing! My doctor gave me one last Friday and told me to keep track if it works and for how long so he can re-evaluate me next month. Last week was completely different, I felt like i got my life back. I came home from work and was able to do cleaning that I usually put off until the weekend. I turned in school work on time every night it was due and even stayed up until 11am each night cleaning out shows on my DVR. (I would usually be asleep by 9) This weekend I went to Monster Jam all day Saturday (next blog) and Sunday did all the housework that I have put off for weeks.

Not only was Sunday full of housework but I also had time to complete the finals for both of my classes and write a final paper turn it in on time and even watched a movie with Jason yesterday too. I am hoping this B12 shot will last the full month until I see my DR again, but if not I will let him know so he can make sure to give me enough to last next month. I am loving life now!!

Its all how you say it

Ok so there are things that upset me but I get over it and move on. You say something else that upsets me and I begin to think of the previous things.

Why do you want to post a blog? Because I freaking want to.

Why this or that? Because I didn't think that I had to pass everything by you before I did anything. Little things you say that you may think are off hand remarks make me feel like crap. But I don't say anything to you, I just keep on like you didn't just bitch me out subliminally.

Why should I feel bad or wrong with the things I do and choose when all I want to do is talk bout how happy I am about them and you criticize me on it. Its not like I am doing bad things, just things for ME! (And maybe J)

I hate this feeling.

Moving can suck

So I have been in the process of trying to pack to move for months now. The problem is that I don't have a move out date so I am packing at my leisure. I have been too tired lately to do much.

My doctor gave me a shot for B12 last week and it had helped some. I come home from work and do not want to fall asleep immediately and instead I work on school work, house work etc. So this has been very helpful.

I am hoping that I will be able to finish packing up the spare room soon and get a little more organized. As soon as I have my income taxes we are setting a date to move and once that date is set I know I will pack and prepare more. I work well under pressure.

We just have too much crap. :-)

I want to be a mom

Someday I feel as if that will happen when me and J are ready and I am fine with that. Other times it hurts that I do not have one now. I see many people with kids and many without, all in different situations as well. The things that hurt me are the parents who have kids, but don't appreciate them or take care of them and the parents that have kids because it was a mistake and they are miserable.

If you are an adult and having sex, you need to take precautions if you are not planning on having kids. It kills me to hear people say "I don't know how this happened" when there was NO form of protection. There are also the people that have kids because someone else they know is having one. The I got pregnant because so-and-so did. They are out there too!

I am happy in my relationship and I love my boyfriend, but there are times that I feel like it would be so great to have a little one running around (besides the cats and dog) lol. There is a joy and unconditional love that a child can bring and so many people take that for granted. It just hurts to see families like that everyday and know people that would be much better parents unable to have children, or have a hard time.

Having a child is a big thing! You should not have a child if you just want attention. If you don't want kids, USE PROTECTION! Do not have a child just to keep the man in your life! (You could cause yourself and your child un needed pain later in life.)

I know I want to be a mom one day, but I know that I will not being a child in this world in any false pretenses, it is not fair to my child. Be responsible.

Irritated

I am sorry for being short and ill tempered for the past few days. I have been tired with no reason why and have been very angry and irritated with no explanation. And no I am not on my period, nor about to get it soon either. 

It seems like the littlest things have been setting me off and I have been getting snippy with my boyfriend which causes him to be upset which pisses me off more. I have gone through these little "irritated fits" lately and have no idea where they come from. This time it started on Saturday 2/9. 

I don't think I am bipolar or anything, but I am beginning to wonder. I do believe it is stress related. My mom is sick in the hospital and the doctors have no clue why, they just keep doings different tests to hopefully find out what is wrong.

On top of that I am pretty much barely passing my college classes (online classes). Algebra and Diversity, because I don't have the energy to stay up and do school work after my regular work day. The tiredness and aches and pains from my back could be the reason alone that I have been so easily irritated, because I hurt my back recently....again.

But this really sucks and I don't mean to lash out or sound upset towards people. I am hoping to get over this stress induced bitchiness within the next day or so, hopefully tomorrow it will be gone. I have to try to control it, because the past few days I have been snapping at the dog and my boyfriend and I feel like crap because of it. 

Boogers

Usually I am do not whine when I am sick. However boogers are horrible. I can be fine with a stuff nose and sore throat and go through my day and get all of my things done while being sick.

Until boogers happened. It is so annoying to be sitting at work typing away and then you feel it. Your nose starts to run. So you sniff a little here and there prolonging the time to blow your nose. I don't blow my nose at my desk, I blow my nose in the bathroom.

So it is very annoying when the sniffing does not work and I have to get to across the building to the read room and get to keep from shorting on myself.  Just sucks.

Yes this post was about boogers. Oh and after I blow my nose I look at it. You all do it! (I check to make sure all my work shows something)

Eating with modesty

Yogurt and string cheese for breakfast-ish time. Yes I said it. Now its lunch and I am starving.  How do you eat a hot pocket (that you want to inhale) modestly in the work breakroom?

I still feel that even though I blow on it to cool it down, that I am attacking it like a wild animal and snapping my jaws into it. While looking around to make sure no one steals it from me. I even think I snarled a little at one point.

After each bite I check my clothes for splatter and sink my teeth in for the next one.  And this is just with a hot pocket. Imagine a Firehouse sub put in front of me.....

Algebra

I always had issues with Algebra. But it is much harder to do online. Give me a problem and the way to solve it I do alright, but throw a graph in the middle and its a completely different language. I don't know why I need algebra for Criminal Justice degree. Just doesn't make any damn sense.

Feeling relieved

My job can't seems to keep people. So I always feel like an ax is looming over me. I do my job and meet deadlines, etc. But still that odd feeling. Today my boss told me I am in very high demand and its great for job security. :-) (yes he smiled) And gave me 3 projects to do. I have no idea why I felt worried, but glad that I don't anymore. Love my job.